Talkin' Tin Pan Alley Blues

well, I took my song about my girl named Sally

down to the boys in Tin Pan Alley

the man's smilin' face was like a big full moon

signed me to a contract on the 06th of June...

gave me a couple 'toots' from a silver spoon...

said he wouldn't  'snow' me.

...

he had pictures on the walls of all kinds of 'stars'

big breasted women lyin' on fancy cars...

he said: "Son, I know how to play this game;

why, I hold the keys to fortune and fame...

by next week you'll be a household name...

but first, we'll change it...

...

we'll get rid of that hat, and those 'cowboy' clothes;

get you some latex pants, and a smaller nose...

Son, you sing and play real fine;

but seein' as how this song is now half mine;

let me get my 'hooks' int a couple of lines...

and I'll own three quarters..."

...

'Let me tell you; I know just what the people like;

we'll turn your girl Sal into a dyke

and she'll slit her wrists over her lost lover;

her suicide note will blow her cover...

it'll be the 'last straw' for her aging mother...

YouTube'll love the video... it'll go 'viral'...

we'll be laughin'...

...

 

he says: "There'll never be another 'King'; you know what I mean?

but country coud surely use another kind of 'Queen'..."

and with that he give my ass a squeeze;

suggested I get down on my hands and knees...

and let the bugger do whatever he please...

says: "What's the matter, boy?...didn't you read the 'fine print'?

... you're going to choke on it..."

...

friends; I left that place in an awful huff...

kept my 'artistic pride'; but Lord, times got tough...

and seein' as how my Sal's so sweet;

why, to pay the rent, I put her out on the street...

soiled my bride... kept my pride... aw, let it slide...

hell, I ain't goin' to prostitute my art...

you bet your boots... 'cause I pawned mine.

    ... well ... 'talkin' blues' was/is a time honoured tradition in 'the music biz'; though gone the 'way of  all flesh' for all intents and purposes in this digital age... (my old pal Buzz 'Mr. Soul' Thompson used to sing a laconic talkin' bIues that he had learned from his dad 'Hec'(tor) by the title of: "Life Gets Tedious ('tee-jus'); Don't It?"... and though Buzz didn't have much use for 'cowboy and western' music; he could see the value in a song that might raise a smile... I wrote this tune many years ago; after signing my first (and only) 'management' deal that went nowhere in particular (and eventually petered out in mutual dissatisfaction)... 'Tin Pan Alley' of course was the section of New York city that spawned the plethora of 'tunesmiths' in the 'golden age' of 'sheet music' (way back when...)... I sang this song 'live' on Trent Radio when I was a much younger man (and mine own mother was tuned in; to our mutual chagrin, I'm sure...)... I've 'updated' it some in this transcription (needless t o say, it's never been recorded); as there certainly was no 'YouTube' or internet 'back in the day'... the reference to 'big breasted girls ('titted' in the original) layin' on fancy cars' was a nod to the classic 'Candy-O' cover (by Vargas?) for The Cars' album. I actually bought a meticulously cut out example of this 'album art' at a yard sale some years back; and it resides (in storage) with many priceless/worthless items of 'art' in my archival 'vault'.

     'Talkin' Blues' is traditionally a recitation of sorts over a simple recurring chord progression, and this little ditty is no exception. My attempt at humour; for what it's worth. And a young man's somewhat disillusioned (jaded?) take on 'The Music Biz'. love to all (especially Sally). d.

 

 

 

 

 

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